Junk Food For Your Brain

This is ridiculous, it’s been over a week since Obama was elected and he STILL hasn’t ended the Iraq War, provided universal health care, fixed the economy or cleaned up the environment…ah forget it. I started writing this post as satire but an actual right wing lunatic beat me to it.

I refuse to link to his site, but he blames Obama for the increase in suicide attacks, the recent stock market tumble and the high unemployment rate. All of these happened in the last 8 days since Obama was elected!!! OMG!! Except not really, but there’s no arguing with crazies. As my dad used to say “Arguing with a crazy man is like arguing with an insane guy.” Incidentally, my dad was never very good at metaphors but I took to them like a shark in purple.

And, yes, there are people who want to impeach Obama already.

The media’s talking about fostering a “spirit of bipartisanship” with lunatics like this.

How does that kind of bipartisanship work anyway? If my argument is that we should never murder people and my opponent’s argument is that we should always murder people, the solution isn’t to find some sort of middle ground that we should sometimes mutilate people. The solution is to back away slowly and call the cops.

Anyway, that’s my two cents and I’m sticking to it.

If guns are banned, only bands will have guns.

ADDENDUM: Except if the band is Guns N’ Roses, they’ll have a gun ban.

Funny article about voters from David Sedaris. Best part:

I don’t know that it was always this way, but, for as long as I can remember, just as we move into the final weeks of the Presidential campaign the focus shifts to the undecided voters. “Who are they?” the news anchors ask. “And how might they determine the outcome of this election?”

Then you’ll see this man or woman— someone, I always think, who looks very happy to be on TV. “Well, Charlie,” they say, “I’ve gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can’t seem to make up my mind!” Some insist that there’s very little difference between candidate A and candidate B. Others claim that they’re with A on defense and health care but are leaning toward B when it comes to the economy.

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

It’s that time of every 4 years again. Those of you not in California may not find my rundown of the propositions that exciting, in which case check out the future of porn here. Californians read on for a rundown and how I plan to vote (Some info comes from this handy site with which I mostly agree: Pete Rates the Propositions):

YES on Prop 1A: Safe Reliable High Speed Passenger Train Bond

It will cost California a lot of money but it will also create jobs and provide cleaner transportation linking SoCal to San Francisco. The trade off is well worth it. (I also think the budget process should be amended to prevent the kind of budget wars we seem to have every year but that’s a different matter.)

YES on Prop 2: Standards for Confining Farm Animals

Prevents cruelty to animals by requiring veal calves, breeding pigs and hen laying eggs to have enough room to move and stretch their wings, to be implemented by 2015. It’s good for the environment and health of the animals as it reduces the large scale overcrowding and pollution of factory farms. More info here.

PROBABLY YES on Prop 3: Children’s Hospital Bond Act

Another bond act and I’m torn on it. On the one hand, since most children’s hospitals in California are privately owned this essentially gives government money to private companies at a time when our budget is already deep in the red. On the other hand, the private companies are building children’s hospitals which directly benefit communities. Plus, my Congressman Henry Waxman supports it and I agree with just about everything he does. Man, it’s a lot harder to argue against “Big Tobacco” and “Big Pharma” than it is against “Big Children’s Hospitals”.

NO on Prop 4: Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor’s Pregnancy

It seems a version of this resurfaces every election and is always voted down. Let’s hope that pattern holds. I would hope that if I had a daughter who gets pregnant she’d tell me and we’d talk through the decision, however I also don’t plan on abusing or molesting my kids and that’s the type of people this law harms. If you have a good relationship with your kids, great, this law won’t hurt you. But if a girl can’t go to her parents out of fear of physical harm, she doesn’t need her doctor breaking his confidentiality to make her life worse.

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I know, I know, my last bunch of posts have all been links to Sarah Palin stuff. I’ll get back to writing nonsense soon but right now I can’t take my eyes off the train wreck that is her candidacy.

And now you too can interview Sarah Palin right here.

Okay, no more Palin stuff. Unless it really, really amuses me.

Dictionary compilers at Collins are going to drop words from the next dictionary unless they come back into wide enough use. Show them that these words are apodeictically alive and well and they shouldn’t villipend the English language. My two personal favorites are:

Fubsy: Short and stout; squat

Muliebrity: The condition of being a woman

A: All of them!

http://tag.angryminority.com/post-images/2762458387_31207c1a81.jpg

In the movie Timecop, there’s a point where van Damme is transported back in time and pops out in front of a speeding truck. He ducks under the truck, and the truck continues driving. Doesn’t stop to see what happened with the dude who appeared out of thin air. Doesn’t slow down. Why is that? Probably that’s not the weirdest thing that happened to him that today. How weird would your day have to be to not be curious about a man appearing literally from thin air in front of your speeding vehicle and ducking under it? Probably at least this weird:
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Truck Driver: Holy Shit! A man just appeared out of thin air then ducked under my truck! Did you see that?!

Green Skinned Elf: I didn’t see nothin’. Keep driving or I’ll turn your other hand into a frog.

Frog/Hand: Ribbit.

Santa Claus pokes his head out from the back seat.

Santa: Okay, I managed to save the clone of George Washington by replacing his head with that engine we got at the junkyard, but he’s still pregnant. What do we do?

Truck Driver: I don’t know. (grim) I don’t know.

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I’m pretty sure this is in the deleted scenes on the DVD.